I remember reading somewhere how sometimes Christians can be like a particular horse that this guy owned. He explained how the horses leg was caught in a trap of some sort rendering him unable to move. The horse tried his best to free himself but after some time he gave up the fight. After the owner came and freed the horse, no matter what the owner tried, it took a while to get the horse to move because the horse just could not fully grasp that he was free to move.
I get discouraged.
I get encouraged.
I feel defeated.
I rebuke defeat.
I get delivered.
Then I don’t know what to do with myself at this point…
I got so use to the dance that I don’t know how not to perform the dance anymore. The fear of falling back to my old ways makes me scared to make another move. Have you ever woken up sometimes after a rough week and laid in bed waiting for the stress, negativities, and worries of life to wake up with you but they never come? No? Lately, this has been happening to me a lot. I wake up free and I spend so much time waiting for my freedom to wear off, that I end up wasting so much time and miss out on life.
“And He arose out of the synagogue, and entered into Simon’s house. And SImon’s wife’s mother was taken with a great fever; and they besought Him for her. And He stood over her, and He rebuked the fever; and it left her: and immediately she arose and ministered unto them.“ Luke 4: 38-39
I read that and I just thought that, that was beautiful. The NLT version of the bible says “and she got up at once and prepared a meal for them.” This put it into a more relatable perspective for me. She ministered in whatever way she was equipped to minister by using her talents to benefit the people around her. She reminded me a lot of my mom. No matter her situation if something needed to get done for someone she would get it done. I would watch how even with eyes hung low from tiredness or a headache, or arthritis pain, she would still rise to prepare the necessary meals, whether it be for us, church or her friends, it got done.
I have been realizing how lazy and complacent I have been allowing myself to become while at Cornell. Yes, this school is very hard at times, and life, especially emerging into your 20s, comes with some new found emotional complications, but I am still breathing and I still awake every morning. So tomorrow when I awake what decision will I make?
Will I arise and immediately thank God for my blessings and my freedom?
Will I make the decision to choose productiveness and joy despite my circumstances that day?
I don’t think I will ever wake up ready to see past myself and unto others. Sure, some days I will wake up like that, but that is not what builds character in me. Waking up and making the decision to minister to God, yourself, and others is what builds character. It is a choice and it will not be easy especially because I have been acting in my bad habits for sometime now. But I will try. And I will pray and hope that as I keep drawing nigh to God and making better decisions that I develop new habits.
“Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” Galatians 5:1