“Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons.” I Samuel 1:8
We all want something. To give some background to this bible passage, Hannah specifically wanted a child having been barren for some number of years.
I, like Hannah, after being deprived of the thing that I deeply wanted get deeply sad. I cry, my heart is grieved, and I do not eat, and believe me when I say I love food and love to eat, but my appetite just completely escapes me.
But what if we take a moment to pause and hear God say “am not I better to thee than ten ____” (fill in the blank with whatever applies.) It is unclear whether Elkanah was deeply hurt or deeply aggravated when he made the above statement. However, the bible is clear that he loved Hannah. He loved Hannah and every year at worship and sacrifice time the bible states that he gave her a “worthy portion” of whatever was offered. To draw a parallel, Elkanah would basically give his other wife, Peninnah, a jansport but Hannah got the Louis. He loved her, how she was, barren or unbarren. So, I think that whatever his emotions were at that point in time, the root is clear: he wanted to know that Hannah loved him too, just him, without anything or anyone else.
I am an imperfect person and I by no means fully understand or always practice the things that I know I should. I do not hide from God the fact that sometimes I do want people more than him, and that yes, I do place certain people above him sometimes. Nonetheless, my honesty does not make it right. I cannot even begin to explain the amount of testimonies and “portions” that God has blessed me with this semester. Portions that I have allowed to waste away because of my inability to look past the thing I thought I wanted most. He has given me, and continues to give me my “worthy portions,” more than I can ask for, and most certainly more than I deserve. In return, He just wants me to appreciate Him, to want Him, and to love Him, the way He deserves to be loved.
God is more than capable of supplying us with what we want, but will you just love Him first without them…