It’s Gonna Be Okay

What I love about the word of God is that it is living, it is alive. It brings new meaning to your life when you need it, and it knows just what to say.

This verse has meant so many things to me throughout all the seasons that I have rested myself upon it. Today it has yet again brought new meaning to my current circumstances.

Philippians 4:12-13 reads:

12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Paul from experience is saying that he learned the secret of making the best out of any situation. The secret is that as long as Christ is alive he can do all things. After living through abundance and the desolation of prisons, Paul realized that he will always make it, because as he also said, all things will work together for his good because he loves God.

I am learning the extent to which depression is an illness. That even on medication some days are just a bad day. When I get a migraine I medicate it and rest. On days like today when it feels like my heart will never smile again and the thought of doing something makes my chest physically hurt and breathing difficult, I am learning that sometimes I just need to rest.

People think depression is just a mood. Sadness is a mood that sometimes helping someone in need, or being grateful, or watching a comedy can help uplift the mood. But depression is an illness and sometimes those suggestions are equivalent to telling someone with a broken leg to run a marathon. The point is not whether or not they can do it, but realizing that doing it will cause a lot of pain that will result in detrimental effects to the persons overall healing and recovery.

I am beginning to see how on days like today my subconscious is probably working out something that is manifesting itself as depression. I see now why medication AND therapy is the preferred treatment because it is extremely hard to heal with just one.

In terms of productivity or ADL’s (activities of daily living) I failed. But i’m not upset because I have a strange internal peace. I was daydreaming about someone holding me and loving me and in the dream I was content. But after the above verse was brought to my attention I realized that I am instructed to both abound and suffer need. I have been brought low but as I continue to breathe and try to soothe the aches out of my chest I am also content because this is just as beautiful a season as the one in my head because God gave this season to me.

Perspective doesn’t make the pain lift, or make me happy, or even make me smile but it makes me able to close my eyes and continue to rock back and forth, breathing, knowing that it’s ok, instead of trying to run away and cause myself more harm.

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